his might seem like an odd question, but, at what point in the relationship is it appropriate to ask a girl if you can do her makeup and fuck her? Now, I’m not talking about lipstick, rouge, and eyeliner. I’m talking about grease-paint. That’s right… Dirty Clown Sex.

Do you ask her on the First Date? Probably not, unless your trying to scare her off. But then again maybe, *wink* she is just that kind of girl. You know, the kind you can share you like midget lingerie, and silky bloomers, without her screaming into the night.

How about the Second Date? Still I say, “No.” Clown sex, like any good relationship should happen organically, if you want to build something real and lasting. It’s good to wait before springing your dirty little secrets and skeletons in your closet on a good girl. But when you do… the good girl is usually very understanding and accommodating of our sexual fetishes… or clown needs.

I would recommend waiting at least until after the first sexual contact. Intimacy breeds understanding. Pillow talk can go just about anywhere. I mean, let’s face it, orgasms are a powerful narcotic. When she’s gasping and wriggling in your arms, you can confess to murder, eat your lunch or reveal your secret identity as Batman. (But not Robin; no girl can stomach that… best to leave him to the jokers.)

Alternately, you could drop it on her out of nowhere. Look her in the eye and casually say, “Let’s put a smile on that face.” Then tell her to close her eyes, sit back and do whatever the nice clown says.

Thanks for stopping by, allowing me to pose my question. If you have any advice feel free to contact me. Have fun and keep clowning.

— The Clown Next Door

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