ove and attraction are some of the most confused and misunderstood human emotions when it comes to relationships. You may have experienced deep unexplained feelings for another at some point in your life, but things did not turn out as you had hoped. What happened? You may have also been convinced that you were “in love,” but only later faced the bitter end of betrayed emotions. What happened? Here is what happened, a relationship can have one of two human emotions as its foundation. The first of those emotions is attraction.

Attraction is not necessarily the most logical of human emotions. It is based mostly on having physical or “mechanical” settings that are conducive to generating mutual desire. So two people may find themselves in a relationship based on the mechanical chemistry of attraction. This type of relationship only lasts as long as there are no settings that would provide the promise and prospect of greater mechanical chemistry.

Cheating often results from this type of chemistry, because attraction only holds a relationship together, if nothing “better” comes along.

The second and most reliable foundation for a relationship is love. Love is more than attraction by far! It's more of a desire to have someone as part of your life which is accompanied by the willingness to share future goals, caring (protective instincts) and the willful commitment of loyalty mutually shared. It stands to reason then that love would not seek to betray the emotions of a loved one, because that will make it something less than love. When dating, you have to know the difference between the two before you can make any reasonable progress in creating a meaningful relationship. Love is a free choice. Attraction is a reaction which is not always logical and can control a person and make them unstable in a relationship, if they let it be their main criterion for starting a relationship.


hen a man and a woman mutually value each other as part of one another's life, a condition called love exists. Love expresses the highest value that you are, in another's life. Feeling wanted and being valued as part of someone's life are the things that make love such a high commodity. When we look at love from this perspective, we can clearly see the dangers of telling someone you love them, when you don't mean it. From this too we can get a better understanding of why cheating, or infidelity causes so much emotional devastation. All these things say “you are no longer valued,” or “you are no longer important to me,” which naturally breaks the sacred bond of mutual value. When someone gets their thrills from playing deceptive games on you, they are confessing indirectly that you are not, or are no longer valuable to them. If once truly valuable, then fixing the situation may be as easy as figuring out what changed to make you less valuable. However, sometimes it’s just the other person who never truly valued you in the first place, in such a case, it’s best to move on – since there is no real loss after all. Surprisingly, some do not have an ounce of dignity to realize when it's time to move on, even when they know their “soul-mate” is cheating on them. So, part of the problem is (and this is almost true for every case by the way) if a person staying in this “one-sided, worship the

other person” type of relationship, they have NO clue what love is, and self-respect is down in the gutters.

Believing in love is – knowing that you are valuable and that you deserve to be valued, not from a conceited perspective, but from the positive changes you can bring to someone else’s life. Therefore, you deserve loyalty and respect in return of your loyalty, value, selflessness, and affection. If you cannot believe that you deserve to be valued back with respect and the commitment of affection to you, then you may want to address whatever makes you think less of yourself. Love begins with self-respect – believe it or not, it’s true! The degree of self-respect an individual possesses affects the choices he or she is inclined to make. Those choices regulate the people he or she makes part of his or her life, so guess who has total control…? When someone stops believing in love, you can suspect that their self-esteem took a nose dive. Past betrayals, bad relationships, or being told “they were useless” as a child, might have caused that. In any case, the desirable helpful action would be to build back self-respect, before those who doubt the good nature of love can become "believers."

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