As the New Year begins, the cold sets in with long and dreary days, it’s easy to allow ourselves to become stuck in relationship routines.  Somehow the cold and snow helps us become numb and out of touch with what's going on with our partners and ourselves. Warm up your inner fires by remembering why you came together in the first place and the goals you have yet to achieve in your future together. If you must... get out the hand cuffs and have a fireside chat.


Love is a verb.  Love grows and is nourished through action.  Sometimes love changes form, falters, becomes deeper and stronger. The same way the winter creates the gray skies that lead us to winter blues we too often begin to see our partners in the same old way. We haven't noticed how they've changed. Perception can be fatal, as the way we perceive our significant other, so they become. During these times we may become blind to what our partners are saying to us.  Rather than get caught up in the frustration, this is the perfect time to learn to understand the basics behind your love, learn to keep love growing, and understand how you can work through the challenges and changes in your relationship hand in hand.

If we do not take the time to stop and truly be present for our loved ones daily, find out where and who they are today, before long they become strangers to us.
Not only is it easy to take the love of others for granted, it is also easy to take our love for our partner for granted as well. Love is intricately tied to our hearts and emotions, needing our constant attention and care. Often when left to their own accord or thoughts, weeds of doubt spring up.  Communication and sharing is essential and should be an on-going part of any healthy relationship. Honesty is always key to long-term success, as gardens bloom when all doubt is removed.

Love begins with loving yourself. Take time to do the things that you love and make you happy. It is important to take stock of where you are now, what you are feeling and what is going on inside. Spend this time listening to inner promptings, and feelings. If you are not aware of your own needs and disappointments, how can you expect your partner to understand? As you are taking stock check in with what you want for yourself, how you see the future, and how the relationship is working right now. Be certain that you are able to differentiate between what your dreams, feelings, fears and images are, and what is truly going on. It's important not to get caught up in idealizations.  Be sure that you give your partner the same freedoms and learn about how where they are in their life and where they want to go.

It's often hard to realize that your partner does not exist to make your life complete. It is up to you. Being complete in yourself will only deepen your love in each other.

Start with a commitment to spend quality time with your partner on a regular basis. This is the time for renewal, time for fun, intimacy, romance and just plain being friends. This will create an environment in which you can both be who you are, enjoy yourselves and also be open and available to hear what each has to say. In this open, accepting atmosphere, you will be able to communicate in a way that your partner can listen to and hear.

Setting aside this meaningful time works as a natural antidote to difficulties. No matter what both of you are facing, time spent together encourages understanding and openness.  Often times the struggles we share strengthen our love most of all.

Take time to follow through with your goals for the New Year. Yes, we often get carried away with big goals and give up long before meeting the halfway point.  Try breaking it down to small goals.  Set goals to achieve not only for yourself, but together as a couple.  Plan and save for a special trip, set a goal to have more intimate time together, any goal you set together is fine as long as you follow through… together.

Make the most of it… start your New Year off with Love!

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