Previous Page

To enjoy the endorphin derived effects of connecting with another person on a wholly different chemical level, we might recognize these differing rules and protocols as part of a more sophisticated, articulate relationship. When two person share an intense emotional connection, without some sort of structure it may tend to turn into a brush fire of emotions.

 BDSM gives us the structure to help us define our relationship, the responsibilities, and challenges that come with integrating dominant/submissive role play into a relationship.

 To illustrate the point, my partner Georgia and I cook together. We each have various roles we take on in the kitchen. She asks me before hand for suggestions, then sets out to accomplish her task. I suggest but do not demand any changes.


I will find myself doing the prep work and clean up as she takes care of orchestrating several dishes at one time. I submit myself to her in this capacity, and serve her, much the same way as she might submit to, or serve me, sexually.

To the casual observer, I might seem like some whipped husband doing the dishes. The underlying power of the entire act is that mentally she is my submissive. Giving her rules for how she should stand, when she should bend over, and when she should be made to orgasm brings her the gratification that she craves. Georgia herself understands this relationship, the rules, the desires, and the love that guides our process.

 While there are some lazy, unsophisticated types out there who might be under the impression that protocols and rules, are a one way street. This attitude is self destructive and narrow of mind. In any relationship there is a reciprocation of kindness and respect.  Intellectual and emotional laziness is the bane of a healthy relationship, let alone one in the BDSM context.

 We have rules that allow us to engage with other people safely. We have a net below that will catch us when we fall. The rules we have are important to us. If we choose to scene with someone else we talk about it first, then engage in the next step. At times like those we understand that we will be interacting with many people. These rules, so much like the submissive to the dominant, allow us to let go of our anxiety, enjoy ourselves, and engage in fulfilling a particular fantasy or two.

The consequences for violations of any of our rules, depends on the violation. Its one thing to not be able to hold a glass on the palm of your hand while tied in a restrictive way, then suffer strikes from the cane for dropping it. It is entirely another to break an emotional rule, such as non-negotiated play, or touching others in a way that you and your partner did not discuss and agree on previously.

Handling the emotional rule breaking is the ever sought after solution. The complexities of having to accept not only new feelings and realizations but the other persons attitudes as well. Socio-biologically speaking, men and women take on certain roles in a healthy relationship, and adding the context of BDSM can enhance trust, communication, and patience with each partner.

Protocol for social engagements provides the safety net for each party goer to enjoy themselves comfortably and have a clear plan to deal with any situation. Rules help us navigate the sweaty jungle of BDSM. Understanding their purpose, and applying a bit of reasoning goes a long way in helping you experience that swimming sensation of orgasmic delight.

Next Page
©2011 Safeword Magazine. All rights reserved.