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It’s not actually.

Now, you can take the Torah, the Bible or the Qur’an and find a passage that supports any theory you’re currently espousing.  But, nowhere on the tablets that Moses brought down from the Mount (an event shared by all three of those books) does it say that “Thou shalt not spank your spouse, mate or friend or find sexual pleasure from having done so”.  Sorry purists.  It’s just not there.  So where does the Sinful nature of BDSM and D/s more generally come from?  In western society it’s an archaic hangover from Victorian times.  According to Victorian moral values (not religious values mind you) we apparently shouldn’t engage in any activities which cause undue emotional turmoil.  Well, to be fair, a D/s lifestyle and BDSM activities certainly cause that.  But then, so does engaging in amateur sport, or politics (more on that next month) or just going through one’s day and interacting with those around us.  So it’s not the emotional turmoil that we want to avoid, it’s the arousal that goes with it.

I’ve known religious leaders who have been actively involved in the lifestyle (albeit somewhat privately) and see no conflict at all with their commitment to avoid sin. I’ve also had partners who struggled with thinking that the play they were engaged in was sinful.

If we take sin conceptually for a moment, here’s a relevant definition, “Deliberate disobedience to the known will of God.”  With this definition, finding sin then in BDSM play between consenting adults is going to be a big challenge.

So what do you do when your partner is concerned that what they’re doing is disobeying the known will of God?  Talk about it.  Walk through it.  No one wants to have their partner do something that fundamentally violates who they consider themselves to be or violates their fundamental integrity.

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